Why opening up and creating bonds with people is over rated

** FAIR WARNING this is not a warm and fuzzy post, and is kind of a rant, so if you don't' want to read it please move on. **

I am sure you can tell by the title that today hasn't been a good day. About a week or so ago, I decided to open up to a family member about a medical issue I am dealing with, expecting to be met with understanding and sensitivity and instead I was greeted with a TMI type of response and that I worry too much. Not the response I was looking for at all. 

I opened up to this particular person because I feel that I can openly talk about anything and everything. I also wanted to talk to someone that wouldn't stress me out. Boy was I wrong. I had done some prior research on a doctor I wanted to see because she takes my insurance plan, or so the website stated so, I then come to learn she doesn't.

My somewhat healed broken mangled heart had slowly been on the mend and I was finally feeling confident to move in the right direction, well after being on hold for 30 minutes this afternoon, I quickly learned she wasn't. My hope, relief, and thinking and feeling that FINALLY GOD was giving me a break, had crashed and burned to the ground. It was in that instant, I felt the tears building in my eyes and I immediately shut down. I turn to my husband for support but he is not listening nor paying attention to the conversation. So that just proved my point to shut down.

I don't understand at this point in my life why GOD pushes people to the breaking point or tests their will and faith at every turn. Why must he make me suffer so much?! I have been through a lot and believe I should catch a break every once and a while, but God has other plans. He would rather see me struggle I think and punish me or something.  

So I continue to hold back my tears, even as I type this, I tell myself to shut down and not let anyone else in, I remind myself that you can't trust people, and you can only rely on yourself. So back to homework I will go,this seems to be the one constant thing I can go to that doesn't talk back or give me false hope.

I feel awful, I apologize for the rant, but I needed this.